New Year - Wisdom by Bullet points

I don't have much to post tonight.
'except this--

• Don't take your life for granted.
• Gratitude is an act not a word.
• Be who you are.

And, the only reason we exist-

• To lessen each other's burden.

Everything else is just meaningless

Signs

I had an interesting moment.
I went to the grocery store- Our lovely H.E.B, for some NYE suff. As I got to the checkout a middle-aged man approached me and said, "Are you Hector? from the Hector, Hector, Hector show.?"

I stammered, "Yes".

"I thought that was you. I loved your show. I was a big big fan. LOVED it. Thank you"

I was stunned. Gerald and I had an actual fan. It's happened before actually- strangely enough RIGHT when Gerald first had the idea to write the current script another man approached me and waxed fanboy goodness about the Hector, Hector Hector Show. I remember calling Gerald and telling him that it was a sign that we were on the right track with the script.

And actually, I think this was Gerald calling me and saying, "Yup, you're on the right track".

For those that might care to know... this was the theme song-- Mind you. This was 1992 on public access and we had NO real equipment- all borrowed.



P.S. That was me playing guitar and G singing.

Friends

Today was a crappy day. I wanted to do some pretty simple outside taping....lo and behold- SLEET. I decided not to waste the day and tried to do some test shooting inside- and since I don't have proper lights yet, I was just going to use fluorescents (6500 K). Went around town looking for the correct lights (and a small LCD monitor)-- didn't get home until 3 pm.

Discovered that I needed more lighting and that more than likely... I would have to shell out more dough for lights.

So, my nerves are a little frayed-- over something pretty stupid- money.

But it's not really the money... but the fact that I feel I have to "own" stuff in order not to depend on the "kindness of strangers". I'm sure that I could ask some folks around town to lend me some lighting equipment... but truth is I would feel awkward. I am not that close to people who could conceivably lend me said lights. Essentially I would feel awkward and like a user. And I don't want people who I admire thinking of me as a jackass user. So, I'm stuck with having to buy or kluge lights together.

It basically makes me feel a little alone.

But then I'm reminded of my friend...well... we'll call her Mrs. BerryTastic.

Mrs. BerryTastic has graciously agreed to let me use a relative's old dilapidated house for the denouement of my little project. It's an incredible gift for her to let me do this. I've known her for about 9 years and although we haven't always kept in touch-- she's been a complete angel these past few months since Gerald's death.

I suddenly don't feel so alone.

Thank you Mrs. BerryTastic !!!

I have to also thank the folks that have agreed to act in the project.

I won't name their names yet. But they are great people.

We will call them the Garzasteins. The Garzasteins are an incredible family I've known many years who have also helped me through times of need.

Thank you Garzasteins.... your badass photogenic selves will make this project kick MFing butt.

I've made myself happy now.

Mission Statements

I haven't really told you what exactly I'm taping.
Well, Gerald and I wrote, three scripts for a television series. We wrote a treatment, a bible, the pilot... etc.
We never intended to shoot any of it- we'd shot stuff in our early 20s and we just didn't want to go there again since we were busy with work and life in general (the way most 40 year olds are). We wanted to write it and then shop it around.

Then he got sick with a brain tumor and our plans came to a screeching halt. He had surgery, went through radiation and chemo.
And we just kind of sat on things. I mean what else was there to do. He had brain cancer. I was more worried about him making it through each step of that journey than any goddamned script.

First his surgery.
I remember the day his wife called me and said, "We're in the emergency room. Gerald was throwing up all last night. They did an xray of his head and there's something abnormal. They said it could be an infection or a tumor". I immediately left work and went to the hospital. Before the end of the night, cat-scans confirmed that it was a tumor.

And so began a year of radiation, chemo, and monthly MRIs to check for tumor regrowth. Things looked promising for about six months into the treatment. No regrowths--- then an MRI of his abdomen revealed a kidney tumor--- then after surgery to remove the kidney the brain tumor came back. And then an experimental drug, and then hope, and then dashed hope.

And then on October 22, 2009, Gerald passed away at his house.
The details of his illness aren't something that I wish to document. It would be obscene to do so. Obscene in the most classic sense of the word-- showing EVERYTHING and holding nothing back. I don't want to do that right now. Maybe some other time but not now and not here.

Suffice it to say that, our project, was not something I was seriously thinking about.

Well, not quite, when things were looking good, sometime around June, we thought that he might make it. And around that time I met Jonathan Joss, voice of The King of The Hill's John Redcorn!

It was a chance meeting at my gym. He was in the sauna talking to someone else about auditioning for a part and of course, I had to ask, "What have I seen you in?"

"You into animation?"

"Some," I said.

"I'm John Redcorn"

Of course, I was a little star-struck.

We talked a bit about TV and my own TV obsessions, and something just told me, "Tell him about the project"

And I just blurted it out, "My best friend and I have a script we've worked on for a while. He's sick and I'm not sure what we should do with it now"

I felt like the little kid in "A Christmas Story" when he blurts out to his mom, "I want a Red Rider bb gun!"

And he just said, all cool and calm, "You should tape a teaser from it"

He gave me his phone number and my brain went into overdrive. I called Gerald and...BANG within the week, we wrote out a 20 page teaser.

Which brings me to this... What's the mission behind these two things.

1. The teaser for our script

2. Taping it

For the teaser,

What we want to accomplish with our teaser,

1. Make the audience love our characters by introducing them in such a way that the audience wants more.

Everything else that we will try to accomplish with the teaser will be secondary to that.

For example,

We will introduce some plot devices and red herrings that we wrote into the larger script.

We will introduce the "border" landscape of South Texas to some extent but not so much that we spend too much time with trying to make the viewer think, "It's Texas, it's the border, we get it." It's not secondary, it IS crucial to the story but we simply want our characters to drive everything.

Now what about a mission statement for the actual filming of this teaser.

Well, this is a little harder for me since we hadn't actually talked a whole lot about this before the recurrence of the tumor. I was hoping the recurrence would be treatable (like it is for some GBM patients) and we'd be able to explore all that together.

Here is where things get dicey for me. And I mean emotionally so. This was something we were doing together. He was supposed to be here for this. So as I began preparing for all this (about a month after he died), there's been difficult moments, because I catch myself thinking, "Well, I'll just ask Gerald about so and so" and my world just stops.

So as I've thought about this, I force myself to imagine what Gerald would tell me.

So this is what I've come up with.

Mission Statement for shooting the teaser.

1. Make a low-budget teaser that relies heavily on the DIY imperative. Gerald and I believe heavily in the Do-It-Yourself imperative. If you can build some piece of equipment then DO it. He and I taught ourselves computing this way-- Linux, web servers, firewalls, DB development, VB, .NET-- all ourselves. Roll your own when you can.

2. Don't let the DIY imperative get in the way of the story.

3. Spend money when you have to. Don't left the DIY imperative dictate everything.

Sounds a bit odd. But I know what Gerald would tell me, DIY is great but it can distract you from what's important- the story. I mean I read blogs and pages where someone spends weeks building some piece of equipment and I'm thinking, "I hope he/she had some story to tell besides making a gadget"

So you'll often see me going on about some DIY aspect of this only to then stop and ask, what does this have to do with the story? or how will such and such tool help convey some part of the story.

And fourth, bring in a technical expert if you need to. If at some point I just get frustrated with some aspect of taping... call an expert.

So that's that....

Yes, I know. I slipped in the present tense there when talking about Gerald.

"Gerald and I believe"--

It's partly habit and in some way symbolizes this project for me- it keeps a part of him alive.

Equipment

So right now I'm obsessing a bit about equipment. Let me rephrase that. I'm obsessing about what I'm going to buy and what I'm going to hack together.

This is what I think I'm going to buy.
1. A 35mm adapter for my prosumer camcorder. I'd forgotten so much of this stuff that when I bought my camera ALL I really wanted was a prosumer unit that would give me the most manual control possible. Since my last foray into this was before REALLY good digital camcorders, stuff like depth of field was almost lost on me, because you simply couldn't really use 35mm lenses back then. It wasn't even an option unless you were spending upwards of 50k on the camera. Hell, I was just excited about shooting with 24fps. But the world changed while I was away, and while back then we would set up shots and rewrite scenes to make the best use of what equipment I had available...NOW you can buy stuff to make your badass camera even more badass. So I will be shelling out some cash for a RNG35 adapter-- It will allow me to tape shots where the object in the foreground is clear and the background is out of focus- this is the holy grail of achieving a "filmic" look for your video. Well that and framing your shots that tell a good story...otherwise, 35mm adapters make everything look like a feminine products commercial.

2. An external monitor. This is just so that I can view what I'm taping.

3. Final Cut Express... I'm not shelling out 999 bucks for the Pro version. Unless someone convinces me otherwise, I'll make do with FCE.

4. A Nikon 50mm lens for the adapter.

This is what I will hack...to some of you... this will look like ghetto filmmaking but eh..

1. A DIY (do-it-yourself) steadicam. Already did this...works for what I need. It cost me about five bucks.

2. Lighting. I know.. I know.. Lighting is crucial. But after some research I think that I can use a fluorescent troffer kit (as long as I use a 5600K "bulb") and some halogens (hot.. but I'll reflect them off walls or those aluminum looking car reflector things).


Truth is though-- I will only obsess on some of these things much as I need to-- no more. I'd rather not get too bogged down in "gear" hunting AND if anything gets too complicated to hack together, so much that it gets in the way of achieving the actual final goal... well... I'll drop it and buy or rent equipment.

Looking Back

Some background information.
I'm a 40 something aspiring writer/independent-film/video/ guy. (That's me in the pink shirt and my best friend in the red.) Yes, normally people do this sort of thing in their early 20s i.e. Kevin Smith, Rodriguez. In your 40s you've put away silly dreams and gotten on with what remains of your life. Well, I probably would have, had it not been for my best friend coaxing me back into this world. My best friend and I started out writing scripts way back in the early 90s, when we were still in our twenties. But life got in the way. Or maybe we let life get in the way or maybe we just lost the gumption and confidence to believe in our dreams? I don't really care to analyze the past- I don't have the time or luxury. My best friend, Gerald Pettit got me back in the script writing mood about 4-5 years ago. Both of us, fully employed in very demanding jobs. Him with a family and me with a job that calls for lots of travel. Yet we decided to embark on writing a television script about Mexican-American families on the South Texas border. I would have never thought of going back to the world of scripts...much less of actually filming anything.

Maybe it was always in the back of my mind to come back to this. Maybe it was always there lurking in my dreams. Maybe Gerald (who knew me better than I know myself) always knew it was there and that's why he came to me with these ideas. I don't know.

I do know this. I can't afford to do too much analysis about how I ended up here. I'll leave that for later. Right now, I have to get on with actually getting on with this thing. Gerald died this year. He died of Glioblastoma Multiform, an aggressive brain cancer. He was the best person I've ever known and he's gone. He was my best friend. He was the brother I always wanted. And I promised him that I would finish what we started. I promised him while he lay there dying, probably not terribly conscious, but I promised him nonetheless. I promised that I would take our dreams as far as I could, for his wife and kids and for us...for our friendship.

So I'm starting this journal to document what's going on with the script.
You will notice that I'm not being very open about the story I'm trying to film... Gerald and I were always very guarded about the work we did...call it foolish paranoia, but hey, we just believed in protecting our intellectual property.

We.. you will notice me slipping into "we". Gerald is gone. But this project, this part of my life belongs to him and me and I will slip into "we" and make no apologies for it.


So here we go.

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